Giving It Up

The last two weeks have been rough ones.  Honestly, if my birthday celebrations hadn't been smooshed in the middle of it all, I probably would have had a nervous breakdown. 

You see, work has been crazy.  I don't talk much about work, there's too many laws about confidentiality that I don't want to touch, but we've had some major transitions.  If you watched our local news you'd know what I'm talking about.  :-)  Although these transitions are for the best, transitions are still hard.  There's a lot of growth and healing that need to take place.  This is making work a tough place to be.  Things are getting better each day and with a look ahead to the future I can see wonderful days coming.  This keeps me positive.  This makes all the scary in between times ok.

Grad school has been a nightmare!  I'm not going to delve into my despair of grad school, but I have hope that it will end soon!  May is just around the corner! 

My dad asked if we really had to "do" graduation again.  I've thought a lot about it.  I had no real desire to walk at my first graduation.  I did it for my parents sake.  I remember looking up and seeing my dad.  His face was priceless.  It was one of those moments when you just knew you'd made your parents proud.  I'll never forget that moment.  Nothing could have ever replaced it. 

This time I'll be walking for me.  I've worked really hard in grad school.  School isn't easy for me.  I struggled through middle, high and college.  I didn't have the best grades, but I worked really hard.  In grad school I've worked my buns off.  I currently have a 4.0.  I've been able to hold a full time job at one of the toughest schools in Fayette County.  I'm proud of myself.  So yes dad, we are doing that graduation thing. 

This week I've also had a dear friend who has been super sick.  I've known this friend since I was a baby.  We grew up in church together.  We had sleep overs, we had birthdays, we were best friends.  She moved when we were in middle school and I remember  being so hurt.  We wrote letters.  Long letters.  I still have some of them.  Then, we had e-mail and face.book to keep us going.  When she got married she invited me to be part of her special day.  When I started dating Tim we discovered she lived one town across the river in Indiana.  She's one of those special people that I don't get to see everyday, but I love dearly.

She had a baby last week!!  After they got home she became super ill.  After a rush to the hospital and emergency surgery she spent last week in critical condition, on a ventilator.  She was fighting for her life and all I could do is pray.  For days there was  no progress at all.  But, Thursday her sister finally posted that she was cautiously optimistic!!  Small progress!  Today, one week later, she posted that she finally got to hold and feed her baby! 

I've had to give a lot of things up.  I am a control freak!  I like to have my hand in things that effect my life.  But, these last few weeks I've had to give it up.  I can't control my work situations, so I have to make the best of them.  I have to choose to be positive, even when i don't feel like it.  I can't control assignments, and exams.  I have to work hard, I have to do my best, and then I have to realize that my best is my best.  I have to let go of wanting a perfect score on everything and just do what I can do.  I have to understand that sometimes I don't understand why things happen.  I have to understand that God is in control, and that he knows what he's doing.  I just have to let it go!

On this Saturday I am so thankful that some of these battles are over.  School is looking up.  My grad class only has one more "big" assignment and there are only three more to go!  My friend is feeling better each and everyday!  I am thankful, and I am so glad that God is teaching me to let Him have things.