Taking the Plunge

I'm not writing this post for anyone but me.  I'm not asking for support or congratulations or anything of that nature.  I am simply putting this out there so that it is out there.  So that it is real.  So that I know that others know.  If I didn't I would stop. 

I'm on a journey.
.
A long journey.

A journey that I started about 6 years ago and quit halfway through. 

A journey that I am determined to finish this time. 

You see, I know that I'm not in picture perfect health.  I know that I need to loose weight.  I know that I need to be more active.  I know that my blood pressure would not be elevated if I were healthier.  And, despite what some may believe, I didn't get this way because I eat 5,000 calories a day.  Some people just struggle with their weight.  I always have and always will.  It is frustrating, but I'm done letting it control my life.  So today I joined Weight Watchers for the second time in my life. 

I had great success the first go around and I am going to have great success this time as well.  I am determined. 

Determined to be healthy. 
I could care less if I am "thin" or if I have the "perfect body" or any of that other crap.  I just want to be healthy.  I want to feel good about who I am as a person because I have a purpose in my life and because I am healthy enough to live that purpose out. 

Here I go!  I'm on my way to a healthier me! 

Flutter

This afternoon I took a little nap.  I just hadn't been feeling all that great and after church I was wiped out.  I laid down on the couch, turned on some re-runs and fell fast asleep.  My loving hubs just let me nap.  He let me nap for 2 whole hours.  When I awoke he was no where to be found.  I sat up and looked around the living room and was trying to figure out how long I'd been napping when I heard it....

flutter...flutter...flutter...

Hmm?  That's weird?

flutter...flutter...flutter...

Is that IN my ear?

flutter...flutter...flutter...

Hubs?  Where are you?"

-------

"Hubs?  I think I  have a bug in my ear!!!"

-------

"TIM!"

He walks in the living room with a weird look on his face. 

flutter...flutter...flutter...

"I think I have a bug in my ear!  I keep hearing this flutter sound in my ear! "

He looks..."I don't see anything."

"But I HEAR it. 

Looks again..."nothing."

*sigh*

We never have found anything in my ear.  It stopped for a few hours, but has now started back up.  With that said, I have felt all day like I have fluid in my ear.  About an hour ago I had Tim flush my ear out with warm water.  Nothing came crawling out. 

Should I be freaking out yet?  At what point do you go to the doctor and say, "I think I may have a bug in my ear?"

I've been amazingly calm for someone who may have something living inside my ear. However, if it doesn't stop and a doctor confirms this nightmare to be true I may have to start sleeping with ear plugs in my ears! 

Have any of you ever had a fluttering sound in your ear?  What did you do?  Did you find anything living inside your ear? 

Life After Death

Most people have heard about the sudden passing of officer Jason Ellis.  His story was spread all over the news.  A death like this would have caused me to stop and reflect on life.  I would have felt bad for his family.  I would have even uttered a little prayer for them.  But the passing of Jason Ellis was a bit different than any other officer or military that I've heard of before.

It was different because I knew Officer Ellis.  He was part of my extended family. 
When my sis-in-law married into the Phillips family I met Jason's wife, Amy.  I met her beautiful boys.  Then I met her husband, Jason.  I didn't know Jason well.  I won't pretend that he and I shared deep conversations or that we were best friends, but I knew him well enough to learn a few things about him on my own and not through the media. 

I learned that he was a kind man.  I learned that he like to joke around, but mostly I saw that he loved his two boys and that he was madly in love with his wife. 

And like that...it was gone. 

I've spent the last week and a half in utter disbelief that someone would just take him away from his beautiful wife and children. That someone would have so much hatred in their heart that they would take him away from his friends and fellow officers.  After a short amount of time I still can't wrap my mind around it. The "why" question is there and it isn't going anywhere fast. 

The question has been asked what is the best thing to do in times like these.  I pray.  I pray hard.  My mind just keeps coming back to Amy and the kids.  I couldn't imagine loosing my husband.  I couldn't imagine continuing my life without him by my side.  I can't even begin to fathom what she's going through.  So, I pray.  Each and every time she comes to my mind I utter words of peace and comfort to her.  I pray for her family.  I pray for Jason's friends.  I pray for the officers that are trying to solve the case.  I pray for the officers who have to work knowing there is a killer out there somewhere.  I pray for whomever did this.  I just simply pray. 

I know I don't have many blog followers out there.  This blog is mostly for my own benefit.  It is a place to get thoughts out of my head.  But if you are out there and you would like to help Amy there is a way to do so. 

First, pray for her and her boys.  She needs that more than anything.  Second, you can purchase a memorial bracelet and a portion of the proceeds go to the memorial fund.  Third you can make a donation directly to the fun and all the money will go directly to Amy. 

Here is the link. 

I want to say thank you if you decide to donate.  But mostly, I want to say thank you for praying for Amy and her kids.  There is so much healing that needs to happen in their lives. 

Hopefully the case will be solved soon and some of the "why" questions can be answered.  Until then I pray for peace and I pray that none of us takes our life for granted.  We are here today but we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  Make the most of everyday that you are given!